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Bancuri in engleza |  |
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| | TEACHER: Clyde, your composition on My Dog is exactly the same as your brothers. Did you copy his?
CLYDE: No, sir. Its the same dog. | |
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Nr. voturi: 3 Punctaj: 7.00 | |
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Altele... | | Two guys walk into a bar, separately, and have a seat at the bar.
One guy notices the other has a black eye, just like him.
- Hey buddy, how'd you get your shiner?
- Well, I was at the train station, and the ticket girl was fuckin' hot. And instead of two tickets to Pittsburg, I slipped and said: two PICKets to TITTsburg, and she hit me square in the face. How about you? Howd you get yours?
- Something similar actually! I was just having dinner with my wife, and what I MEANT to say was, Honey, can you please pass the salt? But I slipped up and said "You fucking bitch, you ruined my life!" | |
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Nr. voturi: 0 Punctaj: 0.00 | |
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| | -Name?
-Abu Dalah Sarafi.
-Sex?
-Four times a week.
-No, no, no... male or female?
-Male, female... sometimes camel... | |
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Nr. voturi: 5 Punctaj: 7.00 | |
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| | A husband read an article to his wife about how many words women use a day: 30,000 to a mans 15,000.
The wife replied:
- The reason has to be because we have to repeat everything to men...
The husband then turned to his wife and asked:
- What? | |
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Nr. voturi: 2 Punctaj: 10.00 | |
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| | A man walks into a pharmacy and wanders up & down the aisles..
The sales girl notices him and asks him if she can help him. He answers that he is looking for a box of tampons for his wife. She directs him down the correct aisle.
A few minutes later, he deposits a huge bag of cotton balls and a ball of string on the counter.
She says, confused:
- Sir, I thought you were looking for some tampons for your wife?
He answers:
- You see, its like this, yesterday, I sent my wife to the store to get me a carton of cigarettes, and she came back with a tin of tobacco and some rolling papers; cause its sooo much cheaper. So, I figure if I have to roll my own, so does she... | |
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Nr. voturi: 0 Punctaj: 0.00 | |
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| | Success is just like being pregnant.
Everybody congratulates you but nobody knows how many times you were fucked! | |
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Nr. voturi: 2 Punctaj: 10.00 | |
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| | TEACHER: Harold, what do you call a person who keeps on talking when people are no longer interested?
HAROLD: A teacher. | |
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Nr. voturi: 0 Punctaj: 0.00 | |
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| | On Vatican Church notice board and Press Release:
"Be all Women informed that lying in bed, naked, entangled with somebody and screaming:
Oh my God!
Oh my God!
Oh my God!
will not be considered PRAYING." | |
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Nr. voturi: 1 Punctaj: 10.00 | |
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| | TEACHER: Donald, what is the chemical formula for water?
DONALD: H I J K L M N O.
TEACHER: What are you talking about?
DONALD: Yesterday you said its H to O. | |
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Nr. voturi: 2 Punctaj: 5.50 | |
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| | TEACHER: Maria, go to the map and find North America.
MARIA: Here it is.
TEACHER: Correct. Now class, who discovered America?
CLASS: Maria. | |
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Nr. voturi: 2 Punctaj: 6.00 | |
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| | A married man was having an affair with his secretary. One day they went her place and made love all afternoon. Exhausted, they fell asleep and woke up at 8 PM. The man hurriedly dressed and told his lover to take his shoes outside and rub them in the grass and dirt. He put on his shoes and drove home.
Where have you been? his wife demanded.
I cant lie to you, he replied, Im having an affair with my secretary. We had sex all afternoon.
You lying bastard! Youve been playing golf! | |
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Nr. voturi: 0 Punctaj: 0.00 | |
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| | THINGS THAT ARE DIFFICULT TO SAY WHEN DRUNK:
1. Innovative
2. Preliminary
3. Proliferation
4. Cinnamon
THINGS THAT ARE VERY DIFFICULT TO SAY WHEN DRUNK:
1. Specificity
2. Anti-constitutionalistically
3. Passive-aggressive disorder
4. Tran substantiate
THINGS THAT ARE DOWNRIGHT IMPOSSIBLE TO SAY WHEN DRUNK:
1. No thanks, Im married.
2. Nope, no more booze for me!
3. Sorry, but youre not really my type.
4. Taco Bell? No thanks, Im not hungry.
5. Good evening, officer. Isnt it lovely out tonight?
6. Oh, I couldnt! No one wants to hear me sing karaoke.
7. Im not interested in fighting you.
8. Thank you, but I wont make any attempt to dance, I have no coordination. Id hate to look like a fool!
9. Where is the nearest bathroom? I refuse to pee in this parking lot or on the side of the road.
10. I must be going home now, as I have to work in the morning. | |
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Nr. voturi: 0 Punctaj: 0.00 | |
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